Finals and Goodbyes!!!

This semester has been very busy. I have completed my first grad class and I am anxiously awaiting my grade. So hoping that I got an "A."

At the end of each semester and especially at the end of the academic year, it is always hard to say goodbye to the friends that I have made that are successfully completing the degrees. It is a bittersweet moment because I am so happy that they have completed their goal, yet sad because they are no longer going to be friends I see daily.

I want to say congratulations to my friends who are in the class of 2010. Good luck and come back and visit your friends often!

The next post is definitely going to have pictures!

Check it out!!!

Check it out, check it out, check it out!!! Check out the new blog design courtesy of Rhonda @Thompsonfun and Louise @Adori Graphics. I won the Blog makeover that Rhonda sponsored. It took me awhile to decide what I wanted. I pitched an idea and Louise made it happen. She give you up to 3 drafts to make changes, but I loved it on the first one. Hope you enjoy the new look!!!

Stepping on toes

Have you ever had one of those weeks when you get your toes stepped on a lot? Well, last week was one of those weeks for me. There are times when I allow my heart to get hard and I try to ignore the problems or issues that I have. Sometimes I ignore what God is trying to tell me because I know if I listen, it is going to hurt. Lately I have had enough hurt, so like a toddler, I have been covering my ears and stomping my feet so I don't have to hear what my Dad has to say. I run away and ignore Him as He gently tries to bring me back. Sometimes the harder He pursues, the faster I try to run. I know He loves me in my heart, but sometimes it is hard to get the message through to my head. Because He is so much greater than me and I am unable to understand His ways, I push away and fight as He holds me close.

Last weekend, I cried out to Him and told Him that I was angry. I don't understand why I am to pray for things when I didn't get the answer I wanted. I cried out in faith for months, and years hoping the outcome that I was told was coming would change. I held out hope that He could and would change hearts. I know He can, why do we not listen? Why do you allow us to disobey when it hurts others and eventually ourselves? Why did you allow me to be hurt by someone else? Where were you when I hurt? I know you were holding me and catching my tears. Why do I still have those tears? Why do you allow my mind to trick me into thinking that everything that I have been through in the past few years is a dream and that everything is ok? Waking from those dreams and realizing they are just dreams hurts. It reopens the wounds. Just like a wound that it healing, when the scar is ripped, the wound opens and bleeds again. Maybe not as much as before, but it still bleeds. Eventually the wound heals and the scar is still sensitive. Eventually it will toughen up........eventually.

I know He was speaking to me because of the first thing that I heard when I walked in to my Sunday school class (late as usual). The teacher was saying, "God is not a genie in a bottle that we pray to when we need or want something. " God was reminding me that although I pray, He grants what He wishes me to have in His will, not what I in my flesh want. Sometimes it is so hard to realize that what I think would be best for me, is probably not best for me. God can see the whole picture and what is going to happen. He knows what is best for me now and 50 years from now. I know that the things that have happened have occurred for a reason. However, He is only giving me enough light to see the next step, not the whole picture.

After class, I went to service and He allowed me to worship and cry out to Him. He spoke to me even though I have been a stubborn, defiant child. He is lovingly drawing me back into fellowship.

One day soon, I will be able to worship in the pure joy of a child who is right with Him who loves, holds, and takes the hurt away.

I think I've made a decision

I think that I have decided on the new theme for my blog makeover that I won in November. I have emailed Adori Graphics to see what she can come up with based on what I've given her. Since I am in no rush it may be awhile, but super exciting to have made a small decision.

It will have pink in it though! There is no question about that!

Questions you can count on.........

There are questions in life that one can always count on being asked depending on your age or season in your life.

Child - How old are you? What grade are you in? How tall are you now? Where do you go to school?.................

Middle School - Where do you go to school? What grade are you in? Do you have boyfriend? Who is your best friend? What church do you go to?.............

High School - When will your parents allow you to date? What do you want to be when you grow up? What sport do you play? What activities are you in? Are you volunteering? It looks good on those college applications... What college do you want to go to? Have you applied for scholarships? Did you get accepted?.............

College - What's your major? Where are you from? Are you dating anyone? Have you thought about an internship? Have you done your resume? When does the semester start? When is Spring or Fall break? Want to hit the clubs? Where is the party? What time is your first class? Have you applied for a job yet? Where do you want to work when you graduate? Have you thought about grad school? Aren't you engaged yet?

After college - If you aren't dating, they ask if you have someone. If you are dating, they ask if you are engaged. Where do you work? What do you do? Where is that job located? Do you like it? Do you want to go out after work for drinks?

If you are engaged - When's the wedding? How many bridal showers are you having? What kind of cake? What are your colors? Do you have a theme? What does your dress look like? What are the bridesmaids wearing? What kind of flowers? Who are the attendants? Where are you having the ceremony? The reception? Are you going to dance? Are you having a DJ or band at the reception? How much is that going to cost? What about open bar? Where are you going on your honeymoon? Where will you live after you get married? Do you like your future in-laws? Where are you renting the ceremony stuff? Who's the minister? Anyone singing? What about the sand ceremony instead of the unity candle?.........................

If you get married, the questions get even more personal - When are you having kids? Do you want kids? How many are you having?

If you get pregnant - When is the baby due? Is it a boy or girl? Breastfeed or formula? Stay at home mom or working mom? Vaccinate or not? Epidural or natural? C-section? How many more do you want?......

If you don't get pregnant - do you want kids? Have you tried .....? Do you want to adopt??? How about becoming a foster parent?? (and all the insanely insensitive comments that aren't meant to be hurtful, but are)

If you are separated - Did you have any idea this was coming? Is there another person? How are the kids? What are you going to do? Do you have a lawyer? Are you getting a divorce? How are you coping? Are you getting counseling? Are you getting support from your family? Do you have insurance? What about child care? What is your visitation schedule like? When were the papers filed?

Once you are divorced - How are the kids? How are you doing with it? How long did the process take? What is your visitation schedule like? Who claims the kids on taxes? Who's weekend is it this week? When are their weeks with the other parent this summer? Is he seeing anyone? Have you started dating yet? (The "have you started dating question yet" from my lawyer was really funny!!! I did ask if he knew anyone that might fit my criteria since he was so concerned).

So, I am at the point in my life where I am getting the "have you started dating" questions as well as the "have you been on a date yet" questions. Right now I am pondering when will it be the right time to start dating again........

Dating this time around will be much different because I am different. Some things that were important at 22 aren't as important as once were. Ten years, two kids and a divorce later, things look really different. This time I will not change to fit someone's mold. I am who God made me to be and I will only change for Him. God will be the most important part of the relationship, closely followed by accepting and loving my kids. Anyone who ridicules my desire to learn more about Him is definitely not the one for me because we don't have the same goals in life. A real relationship with Christ is important, not the fake one that many well-intentioned people polish up to show off on Sunday mornings. Be real, admit you don't know it all, that you fail at reading your Bible everyday, that sometimes it is hard to pray, but your learning, that you don't have all the answers, but you know the One who does.

Is it so hard to find that? It is because people are so jaded and so afraid of being hurt that they never let their real selves be seen. I am going to try to be real at all times even at the risk of being hurt. It will be hard, but the truth sets you free and can allow you to know people, instead of knowing about people.

So the questions that I can count on now are:
Is it time to start dating again? Am I ready?

I don't know, but I guess I'll find out.

Valentine's Day

Although I don't have a significant other to share my Valentine's Day with, I am very blessed to have two wonderful Super significant others whom I love and who love me very much. Thank you Lord for my little blessings.



Hoping you and your S.O. had a wonderful Valentine's Day. If you don't have a S.O., celebrate yourself by buying something small to reward yourself for making it through the day!

Single Parent of the McKs, say what???

So where to begin with the meat and potatoes?? If you know me and have read the caption of the blog (prior to the blog makeover I am going to do thanks to Rhonda) it says "The life of a single mom and her adorable McK kids." In case you are wondering about the title, my kids names begin with McK, McKenzie and McKaleb. At the time this blog was created, I was single parenting because I was recently separated from my husband. As of October 2009, I am divorced, so I really am single parenting until God tells me if He wants me to have another partner.

Our family had a tumultuous 2007 which led to my separation from my husband. During the writing of this blog, I have often felt a sham because I only presented the good things that were going on. Many times I was an emotional wreck as I dealt with the issues facing my family. I don't wish to discuss the intimate details of the separation and subsequent divorce on this forum, however if you are my IRL friend, you probably already know. Let's just say that from the separation to the eventual divorce life wasn't pretty. Adjusting from my assumption that I was happily married to feeling like a part of me has been cut off and that I am supposed to function in society and as a single parent is brutal. I guess if you knew that your marriage sucked then the transition might have been easier. There were times when I was so lonely, I hurt. It was hard to reach out to form new relationships because the emotions were too raw to share.

Just to be clear, I did not want to divorce. I wanted work things out and see what God could do to restore us. I know that God allows things to happen for a reason and can use them for His purpose. If this happened to draw me closer to Him so that I could be more dependent on Him, it worked. It was a long hard road, but I know that I can trust Him even if I didn't get the answer I wished for my prayers. Don't let that fool you though. Although my faith is stronger, I still struggle. I am by no means perfect. It is unfortunate that I have not been in the Word daily and my prayer life is suffering right now (how many people that attend church actually admit such things?). I have been lulled into complacency by the lack of urgent need. If you ever needed more evidence of why He repeatedly has to cripple us to bring us to Him, I am an example. Although my sin my may not be obvious like addiction to drugs, or physical adultery, I am guilty of pride (among other things). Pride in myself that I can take care of it all without Him. Now that I am on a more even keel, I have allowed pride to creep back in and little by little I have leaned less on Him and more on my own understanding. However, realizing this, I have tried to get back to reading His Word daily so that I can understand and know Him more. I know that it takes three in order for a marriage to work, the husband, the wife and God as the center and that God hates divorce. We did not have Him in the center, although to most people looking in from the outside (and from my perspective) we appeared to be a happy family. Lesson – Happy appearances does not equal a home in God’s will.

I have learned a lot during the past couple of years about myself, my kids, my friends and my family. I am finally at a point where I can embrace the times that I have by myself. I have been able to use those times to reach out and make new friends, which has gone a long way to soothing my soul, especially when those new friends are brothers and sisters in Christ. We share an immediate bond that doesn’t exist between a Christian and a non-believer. I have found new friends in my church and have even met people that I didn’t know were members there. I have struggles that most parents have with my kids except I have to do it alone. I also have struggles that two parent households cannot understand. Hopefully the McKs and their single mom can make it through by leaning on God, family and friends. If you are my IRL family and friends, thank you for your support during the past couple of years. It has meant a lot to me even if I haven’t shown it to you in a tangible way. Thank you!!!

So now you have a randomized brief background that will help explain my future random musings on single parenthood.

Laura