Questions you can count on.........

There are questions in life that one can always count on being asked depending on your age or season in your life.

Child - How old are you? What grade are you in? How tall are you now? Where do you go to school?.................

Middle School - Where do you go to school? What grade are you in? Do you have boyfriend? Who is your best friend? What church do you go to?.............

High School - When will your parents allow you to date? What do you want to be when you grow up? What sport do you play? What activities are you in? Are you volunteering? It looks good on those college applications... What college do you want to go to? Have you applied for scholarships? Did you get accepted?.............

College - What's your major? Where are you from? Are you dating anyone? Have you thought about an internship? Have you done your resume? When does the semester start? When is Spring or Fall break? Want to hit the clubs? Where is the party? What time is your first class? Have you applied for a job yet? Where do you want to work when you graduate? Have you thought about grad school? Aren't you engaged yet?

After college - If you aren't dating, they ask if you have someone. If you are dating, they ask if you are engaged. Where do you work? What do you do? Where is that job located? Do you like it? Do you want to go out after work for drinks?

If you are engaged - When's the wedding? How many bridal showers are you having? What kind of cake? What are your colors? Do you have a theme? What does your dress look like? What are the bridesmaids wearing? What kind of flowers? Who are the attendants? Where are you having the ceremony? The reception? Are you going to dance? Are you having a DJ or band at the reception? How much is that going to cost? What about open bar? Where are you going on your honeymoon? Where will you live after you get married? Do you like your future in-laws? Where are you renting the ceremony stuff? Who's the minister? Anyone singing? What about the sand ceremony instead of the unity candle?.........................

If you get married, the questions get even more personal - When are you having kids? Do you want kids? How many are you having?

If you get pregnant - When is the baby due? Is it a boy or girl? Breastfeed or formula? Stay at home mom or working mom? Vaccinate or not? Epidural or natural? C-section? How many more do you want?......

If you don't get pregnant - do you want kids? Have you tried .....? Do you want to adopt??? How about becoming a foster parent?? (and all the insanely insensitive comments that aren't meant to be hurtful, but are)

If you are separated - Did you have any idea this was coming? Is there another person? How are the kids? What are you going to do? Do you have a lawyer? Are you getting a divorce? How are you coping? Are you getting counseling? Are you getting support from your family? Do you have insurance? What about child care? What is your visitation schedule like? When were the papers filed?

Once you are divorced - How are the kids? How are you doing with it? How long did the process take? What is your visitation schedule like? Who claims the kids on taxes? Who's weekend is it this week? When are their weeks with the other parent this summer? Is he seeing anyone? Have you started dating yet? (The "have you started dating question yet" from my lawyer was really funny!!! I did ask if he knew anyone that might fit my criteria since he was so concerned).

So, I am at the point in my life where I am getting the "have you started dating" questions as well as the "have you been on a date yet" questions. Right now I am pondering when will it be the right time to start dating again........

Dating this time around will be much different because I am different. Some things that were important at 22 aren't as important as once were. Ten years, two kids and a divorce later, things look really different. This time I will not change to fit someone's mold. I am who God made me to be and I will only change for Him. God will be the most important part of the relationship, closely followed by accepting and loving my kids. Anyone who ridicules my desire to learn more about Him is definitely not the one for me because we don't have the same goals in life. A real relationship with Christ is important, not the fake one that many well-intentioned people polish up to show off on Sunday mornings. Be real, admit you don't know it all, that you fail at reading your Bible everyday, that sometimes it is hard to pray, but your learning, that you don't have all the answers, but you know the One who does.

Is it so hard to find that? It is because people are so jaded and so afraid of being hurt that they never let their real selves be seen. I am going to try to be real at all times even at the risk of being hurt. It will be hard, but the truth sets you free and can allow you to know people, instead of knowing about people.

So the questions that I can count on now are:
Is it time to start dating again? Am I ready?

I don't know, but I guess I'll find out.

Valentine's Day

Although I don't have a significant other to share my Valentine's Day with, I am very blessed to have two wonderful Super significant others whom I love and who love me very much. Thank you Lord for my little blessings.



Hoping you and your S.O. had a wonderful Valentine's Day. If you don't have a S.O., celebrate yourself by buying something small to reward yourself for making it through the day!

Single Parent of the McKs, say what???

So where to begin with the meat and potatoes?? If you know me and have read the caption of the blog (prior to the blog makeover I am going to do thanks to Rhonda) it says "The life of a single mom and her adorable McK kids." In case you are wondering about the title, my kids names begin with McK, McKenzie and McKaleb. At the time this blog was created, I was single parenting because I was recently separated from my husband. As of October 2009, I am divorced, so I really am single parenting until God tells me if He wants me to have another partner.

Our family had a tumultuous 2007 which led to my separation from my husband. During the writing of this blog, I have often felt a sham because I only presented the good things that were going on. Many times I was an emotional wreck as I dealt with the issues facing my family. I don't wish to discuss the intimate details of the separation and subsequent divorce on this forum, however if you are my IRL friend, you probably already know. Let's just say that from the separation to the eventual divorce life wasn't pretty. Adjusting from my assumption that I was happily married to feeling like a part of me has been cut off and that I am supposed to function in society and as a single parent is brutal. I guess if you knew that your marriage sucked then the transition might have been easier. There were times when I was so lonely, I hurt. It was hard to reach out to form new relationships because the emotions were too raw to share.

Just to be clear, I did not want to divorce. I wanted work things out and see what God could do to restore us. I know that God allows things to happen for a reason and can use them for His purpose. If this happened to draw me closer to Him so that I could be more dependent on Him, it worked. It was a long hard road, but I know that I can trust Him even if I didn't get the answer I wished for my prayers. Don't let that fool you though. Although my faith is stronger, I still struggle. I am by no means perfect. It is unfortunate that I have not been in the Word daily and my prayer life is suffering right now (how many people that attend church actually admit such things?). I have been lulled into complacency by the lack of urgent need. If you ever needed more evidence of why He repeatedly has to cripple us to bring us to Him, I am an example. Although my sin my may not be obvious like addiction to drugs, or physical adultery, I am guilty of pride (among other things). Pride in myself that I can take care of it all without Him. Now that I am on a more even keel, I have allowed pride to creep back in and little by little I have leaned less on Him and more on my own understanding. However, realizing this, I have tried to get back to reading His Word daily so that I can understand and know Him more. I know that it takes three in order for a marriage to work, the husband, the wife and God as the center and that God hates divorce. We did not have Him in the center, although to most people looking in from the outside (and from my perspective) we appeared to be a happy family. Lesson – Happy appearances does not equal a home in God’s will.

I have learned a lot during the past couple of years about myself, my kids, my friends and my family. I am finally at a point where I can embrace the times that I have by myself. I have been able to use those times to reach out and make new friends, which has gone a long way to soothing my soul, especially when those new friends are brothers and sisters in Christ. We share an immediate bond that doesn’t exist between a Christian and a non-believer. I have found new friends in my church and have even met people that I didn’t know were members there. I have struggles that most parents have with my kids except I have to do it alone. I also have struggles that two parent households cannot understand. Hopefully the McKs and their single mom can make it through by leaning on God, family and friends. If you are my IRL family and friends, thank you for your support during the past couple of years. It has meant a lot to me even if I haven’t shown it to you in a tangible way. Thank you!!!

So now you have a randomized brief background that will help explain my future random musings on single parenthood.

Laura

Blog Makeover

It has been awhile since I have posted. Between the holidays, illnesses, the start of the semester at UT, starting grad school at C-N, applying for grad school at UT, rearranging rooms, moving furniture out, bringing furniture in, getting the house ready to sell and beginning to look at houses to move into, it has been a busy couple of months.

I still haven't decided on a theme for my blog makeover. I am considering the themes originally suggested, but I am also considering changing the theme of my blog from just about my kids and what we do (which is what I normally post) to what is really going on in my life as a single mom. I mean it is great to see what we have been doing, but wouldn't it be more interesting to know what is actually going on in our lives? I have considered blogging about some of the things that I face day to day, some of the emotions that I am experiencing, and the challenges of being a single parent. I know that I can't put everything that I feel on a blog because it is too public of a forum to express myself. I reserve the right to make myself fully known to only a few IRL friends, but I long for my blog friends to know the real me, not the person who puts a happy face on everything in a blog post.

So, I am going to makeover this blog in more ways than one. If you have any suggestions for a new them based on the information in this post, please send them my way. I am open to any suggestions you may have. Hopefully this change will allow me to feel like I have something more meaningful to contribute to the blog world than just fluff. Fluff is good and serves a purpose, but you need meat an potatoes to nurture yourself and relationships. So here's to the meat and potatoes of our relationship!

McKs Mom

blog makeover suggestions

So I have this blog makeover that I get to do. I am excited, but not sure what to do. I was thinking that I need a different title for my blog, but I am not sure where to start. So I am asking my blog and IRL friends for suggestions.

Here is one idea - Since Kaleb is a monkey and Kenzie is a princess at heart, how about "Monkeys and Crowns, One Enchanted Life" She could do the theme with pinks and blues and browns.

Or - Princes and Pop Stars, One Enchanted Life - I know I used the enchanted life on the last one, but Kaleb also loves that movie and pretends to be Prince Edward. Kenzie thinks that pop stars such as Hannah Montana and Jonas are wonderful. Definitely pink and blue theme with this one. but what about accessories? You know buttons and stuff?

So that is where I am. Keep in mind that I really want this to be a year round theme and that I love pink. So if you have suggestions, let me know.

Have a great week!

I won, I won!!!......but I am scared.

I am so excited! I won Rhonda Thompson Photography's free blog make-over. This is truly something that I would never purchase for myself.

Now for the scary part. Making all those decisions. I have no idea what to tell Adori Graphics that I want to have for my blog. Hopefully she will have some great ideas. Excited, but not hyperventilating about the choices ahead of me..........yet.

Thank you Rhonda!!! If I see you and I start to turn blue from lack of oxygen, well.... you'll know that you had something to do with that!! As short as I am, at least I might look like Smurfette if I am blue.

Pumpkin Patch time…..

Every year, I take the McKs to the Oakes Farm Corn Maze and Pumpkin Patch.  Last year we went with her paternal cousins.  This year, I thought it would be nice to go with my cousins and their children.  We have never had an activity where all the great grandchildren went, so when everyone was able to come, it was quite an adventure.  The kids ranged in age from 3 to 13 years old.  The oldest being Megan and the youngest being Kaleb.

The kids seemed to have a great time together playing, and picking out their pumpkins.  Of the 7 kids that went, only 6 got pumpkins.  Here is the line up…..

from left to right

Layla (4, Aaron’s daughter), Kelly (7, Amy’s youngest), Sarah (12, Amy’s 2nd child), Katie (9, Amy’s third), McKenzie (6), McKaleb (3).

I also grabbed another pumpkin patch attender to get her to take a family photo of everyone who was there.  Thanks to the anonymous photographer.

Below are a few of my favorites….

Since we had so much fun, I am trying to plan another activity for December.  It must be cheap, since there are so many of us, and provide great photo opportunities.  Any suggestions?